Where did you get a picture of my penis
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
