problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
dude i'm inner monologue high
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
