a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
