I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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