apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize