They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
