sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
4 words: hood of his car
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
