I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
