His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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