Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize