His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
