I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize