Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
