she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
