Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize