just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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