we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
