Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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