i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
