I think im going to throw up on grandma
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
