i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
