clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I don't think brook has ever known best
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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