Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
