Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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