so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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