I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
