Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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