Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
