So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we're making bets on your personal life
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
