Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
