i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
