i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
