i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
