I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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