dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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