You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize