he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
