We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
