I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
