You're so nebulous sometimes
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
