Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize