But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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