We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
