You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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