Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Randomize
