Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
