I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
