My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
