im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
