You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I need a beard to bite.
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