Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
