it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
