oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
