i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
and you fell through a lawn chair
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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