do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is Oprah even human
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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