I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize