Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
