I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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