so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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