Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
