Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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