Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
