Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
