Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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