I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
