**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
