i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
