Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
