yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
