your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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