Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
