guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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