Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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