Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
