highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize