If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
