1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
