So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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