Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
