He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
