I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
