Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Couch. On fire.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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