I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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