Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize