South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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