these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
