Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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