hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
this just has baby written all over it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
