just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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