I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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