I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize