Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
