Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
