no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
false alarm. still invincible.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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