Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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