She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
