If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
