Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
