i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
