I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
