Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
