i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
