you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
ttyl tear gas
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
