i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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