We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
