You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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