Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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