Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
