Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
