I want to make a zoo with you.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
where are my eyebrows?
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