a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
