My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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