Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
