just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
