Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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